I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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