fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
