can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
