I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
