Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
