Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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