already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
