Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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