someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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