I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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