Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
