She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
