guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
