She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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