Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
