Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
