Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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