so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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