Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
