I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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