i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
