i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
