I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
