So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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