I wish I could teleport
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
