Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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