thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
