Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
