as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
