You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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