Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fuck appropriateness.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
