Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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