I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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