11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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