So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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