so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
