Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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