I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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