You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
