Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
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