You can't special order awesome
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
