Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
