I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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