I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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