I think my vagina is haunted
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
