So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
