btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
