We won't sleep together?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
