last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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