so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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