I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drake has all the answers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
