I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
